Episode 19: Krista's End (8/16/2001)

Bunky bawls like a baby. Monica moans like a madwoman. 

Episode 18: Blathering Idiots (8/14/2001)

The show's becoming unbearable. The endless scheming isn't interesting because we simply don't care about any of the houseguests. There's no sex whatsoever, and there's nothing to create any excitement. At least last season they had the banners; this season the banners (which still fly) are being covered up and ignored. 

It's time for some tortures and abuse. Maybe give the head-of-household the power to pick two people to be locked in a room together for 12 hours, forcing him to do it once a day. Or letting them eat only when standing on their heads.  

Episode 16: Bitter Kent (8/9/2001)

I dunno. People may have had awful childhoods, but choosing Kent as a father figure shows serious dysfunction. I refuse to call his bitterness sour grapes, though.

• Bunky's just a bitch

• It is pretty funny how Julie cut Kent off before he finished talking about everyone's agents. Not to mention the banner talk. 

Episode 15: I Love Monica (8/7/2001)

My goodness. I think we just saw the first honest moment so far this season. Of course, Big Brother is supposed to be an experiment to show how people react in an unnatural situation. But with this group of Richard Hatch wannabes, all we get is posturing to the camera and to each other. It was probably just PMS, but Monica blowing up was actually entertaining.

Episode 14: Swallow It All (8/4/2001)

That was a good challenge. Really disgusting and a decent punishment for the other houseguests for failure. 

I can't imagine a better advertisement for the horrors of smoking. Maybe next time they should have a house full of all smokers and deprive them all of cigarettes. Sort of a Big Brother/Intervention combo show. 

Episode 13: Bye Bye Mike (8/2/2001)

They sure teased us with the possibility of Krista leaving. I wonder how much of that stuff was scripted, just for show...

Episode 12: Haunted House (7/31/2001)

The ghost thing's about as interesting as the ring toss. The people left in the house are actually relatively interesting and articulate, it's amazing CBS can't find a way to build off of that. Instead, we get this manufactured nonsense.

The scheming is actually impressive. These are people who've studied their Survivor episodes too closely. Obviously, they don't have anything to do but scheme, 

• Why exactly did Will have Nicole shave off all his body hair?

• Hardy ought to just loan Nicole his zucchini for a while.

Episode 11: Finger Paints (7/28/2001)

What ever happened to the PB&J torture? That was a great idea, but they're wimping out week after week. There's no drama in these food challenges. Who cares whether they get cake to eat?

Krista and Mike nominated, Mike's probably on the way out. I think people fear him more. It'll be nice to have an end to all that rhyming, that's for sure. But on his way out I'm sure we'll have to put up with an epic poem.

Episode 10: Shannon's Out (7/26/2001)

That whole thing with the toothbrush is really psycho. They should have evicted her for that. The remaining houseguests are less nuts, there's no doubt about that, Justin Autumn and Shannon were certifiable.

• I can't believe they constructed those steps just for that stupid game. What a waste. It doesn't even make sense. They always end up back in the middle. Maybe if you had to fall off the top when you were wrong, that would at least be entertaining.

• That Krista will kiss anything.

• Bunky really is in love with Kent. Really.

• Hardy likes his "fortress of solitude". Talk about a Superman complex.

A few updates. Apparently, Autumn has Grave's disease which may account for her goiter-like appearance as well as, perhaps, her insanity. Second, you can check out these BB Haiku on the message boards. Go there to add your own. Better yet, post up some limericks. Limericks rock. For instance (slightly edited):

Shannon was a fine little girly
Her hair was straight, not curly,
But Hardy had the skill
to part her from Will,
So  she gave to his toothbrush a swirly.
-Severine

Episode 9: Nutso Baby (7/24/2001)

Shannon really has gone whacko. It's funny, when you think about the Big Brother "experiment" you'd think people would go nuts. Shannon's living up to the promise. I just wish it were more interesting. The problem is, insanity is usually just obnoxious. Unless you have a really creative, intelligent nut case, you're going to be disappointed by the results. 

Episode 8: All Shannon All the Time (7/21/2001)

BB really wimped out on that food challenge. Another week of PB&J torture would have made for some interesting TV.

Poor Jim. Shannon's dissing him all over national TV. It's a little unfair, she robs the cradle for a little beefcake and then complains that's he's not a rich CEO...  Shannon's acting as unstable as Autumn. Note, I said "acting". They've been coached to cry as much as possible. Anyway, Will should take advantage and get a little tail while he has the chance, cuz no matter what she's saying now, once they're out of the house all the rules change.

• Note the technical glitch, Hardy was talking and they had the title "Bunky, technical writer"

• Hardy sure scared the shit out of Bunky. But of course, deep down, he wants to be Hardy's bitch. Looks like he's willing to settle for Kent though

• Nicole, your intuition is accurate. You are, in fact, a big huge loser. 

• Will's funny talking all tough about how he's going to ax Hardy. 

Reader Mail: Autumn's Goiter (7/21/2001)

I am so glad someone else noticed Autumn's goiter!  No wonder she's so moody and edgy. I had a thyroidectomy because of a colloid goiter... I was like a crazy woman until after the surgery.  Although the doctor said it had been there since I was 17, it wasn't removed until 15 yrs. later.  My hormones were in total chaos.  I wonder if Autumn is aware of her problem. - PepperSteak

Episode 7: Autumn's Fall (7/19/2001)

There's definitely a trend in Big Brother. Really nutso houseguests get voted off in the beginning. Karen was booted early, now Autumn is gone. Now, Autumn's just as nuts as Karen, but didn't engender the kind of hatred Karen did. In fact, no one this season is getting anyone's ire up, really. They're all just acting out and playing a game this time. There's nothing "real" about it, so there's nothing to get annoyed with really. As a contest, it's much better designed than last year's, but it still lacks any interest or pull on the viewer.  

• Will sure has a good life. Lays around all day with a hot chick crawling all over him, and on top of that, once he's out of the house, he'll have all those groupies waiting. 

• Poor Jim, being bitch-slapped like that on national TV. Note, Shannon says that Will touches her like no man ever has. Double bitch-slap.

• Anyone notice that Autumn looks like she has a goiter?

Justin's Assault Arrests (7/16/2001)

There's no way around it. They wanted a violent houseguest because they knew it would make for good TV. Who knows if the knew about all his previous assaults, but they knew he was unstable and explosive.

The contestant thrown off CBS' "Big Brother" last week for holding a knife to a woman's throat had a record of three assault charges in his hometown.

Episode 5: No Holds Barred (7/13/2001)

The character of "reality TV" has changed forever. In the first Big Brother, the houseguests hadn't even seen all of the first Survivor. This crew has seen both Survivors, Boot Camp, Temptation Island, etc. etc. Simply put, they're sophisticated; they know how to play the game. Krista's nomination strategy proves that. It's much less "real", of course, but it does make for a more interesting game.

Episode 4: Sheryl's Gone (7/13/2001)

I can't believe they didn't show the knife scene! What's the point of having a homicidal maniac in the house if we can't see the coup de grace. At least we had Julie's hard-hitting news style to describe it in graphic detail. Teasing bitch. And at least Will has "American Psycho" Patrick Bateman as a role model, so maybe we'll get some hack-and-slash after all.

The Survivor instinct is strong. Nobody in this house is going to play nice, that's for sure. I think they've been coached to cry so much, though, that level of waterworks couldn't be spontaneous, no matter how manipulative they're trying to be.

• Bunky's just as nuts as Justin and Autumn's even worse. 

Reader Mail (7/12/2001)

Will is the new Ted Bundy, only Ted was smart and Will is a dumbass. Will has no medical degree except what he ordered from National Enquirer. He is a complete fake. A hairless effeminate asswipe with beady eyes like a rat {rats are also smarter} He is delusional to the extreme, if this runt thinks he is going to be on the cover of the 20 best looking guys, or whatever asinine comment he made, just look around the room, he is about as good looking as the baby faced bag boy my Kroger Store, only dumber apparently,  - Gator Cracker

I watched the first episode - and that's all I'll be watching.  Let's peep at beautiful, sex crazed, money hungry people living together for a couple of months get as nasty as possible ASAP.  I think not.  I can look down the street for people that shallow.  I thought it was gross to have all of that surface in the first 30 minutes.  I can watch almost any other show on TV for titillation.  Who needs this? - Julie

I hear Survivor is huge in the states whilst Big Brother sucks. Over here it is the exact opposite. I think this shows the difference between the English and the Yanks.  We would much rather watch a lap dancer and a coke head sit on their arses for 10 weeks than a bunch of accountants and middle managers running around a tropical island playing Rambo. - Claire

Justin's Gone (7/11/2001)

Apparently, Justin threw a chair, smashed a chess set, and peed on the window. He also took a knife to Krista's neck and asked if she wanted him to kill her. Now he's gone. According to Will, Justin's so absolutely nuts he requested on his own to see the psychologist. Hardy was threatening to leave if Justin didn't go.

Episode 3: Scripted Nonsense (7/10/2001)

The scripting is amazing. Is everyone "The Mole"? I just wish all that planning could result in something half-way amusing.  

At least they're delivering the sex. Shannon staring at Will's engorged member, this and that under the covers, etc. 

• Will: "I'd be attracted to you outside of the context of the house... I don't want to be the guy to serve your purpose... I don't kiss girls, they kiss me...  You're the kind of person I could see myself with." - the pitiful thing is that lines like that actually work 

• All I know is, the designated gay-hater's just a little too soft and cuddly. If you're going to prompt someone to start something, you need to make sure he follows it through to the end. Or at least give us a few weeks of tension before his great PC epiphany.

• Justin: "She's as phony as a two-dollar bill" - that's actually funny

Episode 2: I can't believe it's an hour long (7/07/2001)

Season 2's already fallen into the same miserable rut of Season 1. Vapid, annoying people doing stupid, inane "challenges" in a vain attempt to fill time and somehow manufacture some drama. But we don't care whether they find the keys hidden in oatmeal. 

Plus, we have these oh-so spontaneous wild and wacky activities. Let's put on a bikini! Strawberries and whipped cream! Is Mike being coached to suggest this nonsense? I wonder how long until the hair dying starts... 

Clearly, they'll also be voting people off in order of obnoxiousness. Last season the producers where whining about how the most "interesting" houseguests (William and Jordan) were voted off first, the current rules make that even more likely. 

• Bunk redefines "drama queen." 

• I wonder what the quota is for Hardy crotch shots per episode.

Episode 1: Spin the Bottle (7/05/2001)

Not only did they pick the twelve most obnoxious and unstable people on earth, they apparently shot them full of methamphetamine and coached them to act as wild, outrageous and sex-obsessed as possible. And, of course, whenever possible to prance about in their skivvies. Last season we had the problem of 10 people trying too hard to be somehow "real", now we have the problem of 12 people trying to live up to their casting.

• If that bitch Mike ("the dark reality that hit me in the face that I was going to be directly responsible for killing the hopes and dreams of one person") ends up rhyming all summer, I'm going to kill myself

• Hardy has clearly had way too much practice pushing women out of his bed. 

This is going to be terrible (7/05/2001)

I saw the producer of BBII show on the CBS morning show today. What were his talking points? "They're crazy and uninhibited! They'll be NEKKID!" Oh my. What's the proof? One of the guests said that Julie Chen is "hot". Titillating. 

Even worse, apparently, you're going to have to pay if you want to watch the live video feed:

"Don't miss a thing inside the Big Brother house. For a limited time (from the evening of Thursday July 5 until the evening of Sunday July 8), you can access our 24/7 live video streams free of charge. After that, you can purchase a subscription for the entire series so you can watch the competitions and drama."